The morning after..

The morning after that conversation has made the evening hours inconsequential, the hello I knew was meant only for me. After he looked at me with that peculiar look that I just cant figure out - my whole life started and ended in that one moment. Then. We had a conversation. His mind couldn't stretch beyond technology, flat screens, the latest game/movie/gadget, himself, his work, his interests, his nature, his adventure, him. him. him. It was okay for a while. I stretched, pulled, broke myself trying to be everything he was not, to him and to me. And for a while the daily motions of sleep, work, eat were enough to lull me into a sense of rainbow hued content. I remembered. That sleep, work, eat was not enough. I had battled my way here, past the hounds of hell and more. I awoke, startled-like, as if I had been in a coma. My life was not about you,I had just allowed it to be. And so, its come full circle.. I have been through the walk of shame, I have clutched the shreds of my dignity to my chest and clutched my Pride in heels, taken my handbag of courage and now I walk tall with my messy hair in the pre-dawn air - you are just a one-night stand in the rest of my life. And p.s. this is the kind of love I demand

March 2012

Its already March in 2012, where has the time gone?

Today is about a conversation I had with a friend yesterday. He said ' We human beings are so simple we're terrified of it'.

It made me think. What does it do you?

Dear Anonymous

Bring your popcorn ladies, gentlemen, and those in transition.

We have ourselves an anonymous commenter who feels a certain way. I wanted to respond to this person publicly, to show them what blogging is about. And my response - keep on reading.

Anonymous said...
You live in an imaginary world, wake up and smell the coffee. Be true to yourself and not lie to people. Tell the people who you are and don’t make up things in your head. Because personally I actually know u and what u post is completely untrue about yourself. Good luck with your lies

9:42 AM


Anonymous said...
Good day Lamya

I find your blogs quiet interesting but yet at the same time it appears to me that you a lady of many words but no actions.
It sounds rather strange but it sounds like you live in a glass house. Lady if you going to appear living in your glass house just be prepared when the glass breaks, everybody will see the true you.
The glass will cut you and your little portrait you sketching.

2:17 PM


Lamya said...
Dear Anonymous

I was thinking of deleting your comments, but you know, there's actually no reason to.

There's a reason why my blog is interesting - just because its online doesn't mean it has to be true, or that it is a lie.

A blog is a place where I am free to express myself, how-ever I feel that form of expression may take place. It can be the most amazing fiction I have ever written, or it can be a true account of the most intimate and heartbreaking moments of my life.

I could be a man trying to express himself through a woman's eyes, I could be a child or a transgender individual. I could be a mother, a lover, a fighter, or a b*tch. I could be neither of them ever or all of them at once.

Blogging is about writing, and writing takes many forms, from holy books divinely revealed, to scientific accounts of actual happenings, to Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Writing can be cold, erotic, factual, fictional, dreamy, alarming, shocking, classic, inspirational -in fact, open the dictionary and search for an adjective, and you will have what writing is. Blogging is amorphous, and as many personalities as human beings have, so too, do blogs have.

This is the beauty of blogging. It is a place where people are themselves, whoever they imagine themselves to be at that moment, an escape from daily life, or maybe a prison in it..and it doesn't neccesarily mean that it all has to be your version of truth, whatever that may be.

In fact, this world with all its beauty and amazing grace, would be less without our imaginations. You and me would not be having this conversation if someone, somewhere, hadn't to imagine the first version of the internet into existence. Welcome to creativity, take the first step into the rest of your life :)

With utmost respect,
Lamya

Yes, this is how it is.

I watched the movie, For Coloured Girls, last night. And while it wasnt On Broadway, ALL of the movie left resounding echoes in my heart. Its not just for coloured girls, its for all women. Anyone who's ever held a friend, a sister after her innocence was gone. Who-ever had their soul taken from them and had to work so hard to restore it. Who-ever has loved, lived, been a woman for even a half second will feel this movie with every inch of her being. We have all been there. I leave you with another of my favourite quotes from the movie:

"Ever since I realized, there was someone called a colored girl or an evil woman, a bitch or a nag I been trying not to be that and leave bitterness in somebody else's cup. Come to somebody to love me without deep and nasty smelling scars from lye or being left screaming in a street of lunatics whispering, 'Slut, bitch, bitch. Nigga, get out of here with all of that.'

I didn't have any of that for you. I brought you what joy I found. And I found joy. And then there's that woman who hurt you. And who you left three or four times. And then you went back after you put my heart in the bottom of your shoe. You just walked back to where you hurt and I didn't have nothing.

So I went to where somebody had something for me, but none of them were you. I got a real dead loving here for you now, 'cause I don't know anymore how to avoid my own face wet with my tears because I had convinced myself that colored girls have no right to sorrow. I lived for you. I know I did it for myself, but I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand being sorry and colored at the same time. It's so redundant in the modern world."

Looking back at 2011

Its not usually the time of year that I would sit back and look at what the year was about, but I decided to do it early enough this year so that I still have about a month to make the best of it!

If I do a mental reconciliation, this year has been nothing like I had envisioned at the beginning of 2011 - but when is it ever? Close to the end of this year I have met some amazing people, and did some things that surprised even myself.

Its been a great year, even better since November - thank you for making each day such a wonderful and special adventure with your presence in every waking moment.

What you can do

Did you know that women in Saudi Arabia cannot drive?

Simple, you may think - or - oh, how lucky they are, when you've just been stuck in traffic for an hour on your way to work.

However, did you ever think about the times when someone was ill and you took them to the hospital? Now what if a man wasn't around to drive you - would that person have died?

Think about all the school drop-off and pick-ups you do, would your partner/husband/brother/neighbour be prepared to take on that load, EVERY single day of your life?

Think about your monthly budget - would you be able to afford to hire someone (that would take about a third of your salary) to drive you to work and home again?

Think about being in a car, alone with a stranger that you do not know - would he shift his rearview mirror to look at you? Would he make inappropriate comments knowing that you cannot retaliate - because if you do, you will be left standing at the side of the road, at the mercy of strangers?

Think about not being able to use your own car that you paid for with money you've earned.

Think about that, sister - and feel for those who can not.

Mobility is a basic human right. Whether you cannot afford an automobile, you should have the ability to attain a means of transport in order to realise your needs - food, medical attention, work, education - all of these and more. You should be endowed with the dignity of choice. That is what I believe in.

Friday Afternoons

Something about a Friday afternoon in an office makes one want to drift away.

The pace slows, people laugh and make plans for the weekend. Lunch is a social event. Outside, even the sound of traffic slows down. The smell of cigarette smoke drifts through the windows.

I just looked at my first post, too. Came a long way in writing style since then, and I'm no longer one of the blog superstars (I mean I used get 50 comments on a good day!). This is a really a place I want to be. I want to be with people who want to be around me to hear my thoughts. Or simply just to share silence.

Whatever you do this weekend, make it a GREAT one.

My Happy Place

This is a picture of my happy place.

Its at Signal Hill, and this is as the sun is setting..