The morning after..

The morning after that conversation has made the evening hours inconsequential, the hello I knew was meant only for me. After he looked at me with that peculiar look that I just cant figure out - my whole life started and ended in that one moment. Then. We had a conversation. His mind couldn't stretch beyond technology, flat screens, the latest game/movie/gadget, himself, his work, his interests, his nature, his adventure, him. him. him. It was okay for a while. I stretched, pulled, broke myself trying to be everything he was not, to him and to me. And for a while the daily motions of sleep, work, eat were enough to lull me into a sense of rainbow hued content. I remembered. That sleep, work, eat was not enough. I had battled my way here, past the hounds of hell and more. I awoke, startled-like, as if I had been in a coma. My life was not about you,I had just allowed it to be. And so, its come full circle.. I have been through the walk of shame, I have clutched the shreds of my dignity to my chest and clutched my Pride in heels, taken my handbag of courage and now I walk tall with my messy hair in the pre-dawn air - you are just a one-night stand in the rest of my life. And p.s. this is the kind of love I demand

March 2012

Its already March in 2012, where has the time gone?

Today is about a conversation I had with a friend yesterday. He said ' We human beings are so simple we're terrified of it'.

It made me think. What does it do you?

Dear Anonymous

Bring your popcorn ladies, gentlemen, and those in transition.

We have ourselves an anonymous commenter who feels a certain way. I wanted to respond to this person publicly, to show them what blogging is about. And my response - keep on reading.

Anonymous said...
You live in an imaginary world, wake up and smell the coffee. Be true to yourself and not lie to people. Tell the people who you are and don’t make up things in your head. Because personally I actually know u and what u post is completely untrue about yourself. Good luck with your lies

9:42 AM


Anonymous said...
Good day Lamya

I find your blogs quiet interesting but yet at the same time it appears to me that you a lady of many words but no actions.
It sounds rather strange but it sounds like you live in a glass house. Lady if you going to appear living in your glass house just be prepared when the glass breaks, everybody will see the true you.
The glass will cut you and your little portrait you sketching.

2:17 PM


Lamya said...
Dear Anonymous

I was thinking of deleting your comments, but you know, there's actually no reason to.

There's a reason why my blog is interesting - just because its online doesn't mean it has to be true, or that it is a lie.

A blog is a place where I am free to express myself, how-ever I feel that form of expression may take place. It can be the most amazing fiction I have ever written, or it can be a true account of the most intimate and heartbreaking moments of my life.

I could be a man trying to express himself through a woman's eyes, I could be a child or a transgender individual. I could be a mother, a lover, a fighter, or a b*tch. I could be neither of them ever or all of them at once.

Blogging is about writing, and writing takes many forms, from holy books divinely revealed, to scientific accounts of actual happenings, to Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Writing can be cold, erotic, factual, fictional, dreamy, alarming, shocking, classic, inspirational -in fact, open the dictionary and search for an adjective, and you will have what writing is. Blogging is amorphous, and as many personalities as human beings have, so too, do blogs have.

This is the beauty of blogging. It is a place where people are themselves, whoever they imagine themselves to be at that moment, an escape from daily life, or maybe a prison in it..and it doesn't neccesarily mean that it all has to be your version of truth, whatever that may be.

In fact, this world with all its beauty and amazing grace, would be less without our imaginations. You and me would not be having this conversation if someone, somewhere, hadn't to imagine the first version of the internet into existence. Welcome to creativity, take the first step into the rest of your life :)

With utmost respect,
Lamya

Yes, this is how it is.

I watched the movie, For Coloured Girls, last night. And while it wasnt On Broadway, ALL of the movie left resounding echoes in my heart. Its not just for coloured girls, its for all women. Anyone who's ever held a friend, a sister after her innocence was gone. Who-ever had their soul taken from them and had to work so hard to restore it. Who-ever has loved, lived, been a woman for even a half second will feel this movie with every inch of her being. We have all been there. I leave you with another of my favourite quotes from the movie:

"Ever since I realized, there was someone called a colored girl or an evil woman, a bitch or a nag I been trying not to be that and leave bitterness in somebody else's cup. Come to somebody to love me without deep and nasty smelling scars from lye or being left screaming in a street of lunatics whispering, 'Slut, bitch, bitch. Nigga, get out of here with all of that.'

I didn't have any of that for you. I brought you what joy I found. And I found joy. And then there's that woman who hurt you. And who you left three or four times. And then you went back after you put my heart in the bottom of your shoe. You just walked back to where you hurt and I didn't have nothing.

So I went to where somebody had something for me, but none of them were you. I got a real dead loving here for you now, 'cause I don't know anymore how to avoid my own face wet with my tears because I had convinced myself that colored girls have no right to sorrow. I lived for you. I know I did it for myself, but I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand being sorry and colored at the same time. It's so redundant in the modern world."